All Tatted Up

In October I went with my amazing middle sister to get a tattoo.  I spoke of experiencing physical pain in my last blog; this was definitely up there as some of the worst I've ever felt!  But self-inflicted pain is something I generally avoid, mind you.  Anyway, so this tattoo I designed.  Sort of.  I decided on the location, format, and then the languages really dictated the look.  "Hope" in 14 languages is now what is permanently inked in black on my pale skin on the left side of my back.

(A sample section of my tattoo)

After getting the tattoo, I thought it an ironic thing that I got a tattoo that would instill hope in me in a location where I can never see it.  Huh.  But then I thought, the location is actually symbolic in many ways and I didn't even realize it.  One, hope has always got my back!  So punny, I know.  Two, even though I can't see hope, it is always there somewhere inside of me (and now on me!).  Three, I tried to figure out why I instinctively wanted the tattoo on my left side and not my right.  I thought, maybe I'm cursed!  (I don't actually think I am, FYI). Biblically speaking, the left side of the body (or things "sent to the left") is cursed, while the right side is considered righteous or holy.  In the camps that Nazi Germany set up for the mass murdering of Jews (and others), if you were ordered to walk to the right, you would live (however temporarily).  If you were sent to the left, you would "disappear" forever.  An atrocity in history that will never be forgotten.

Hungarian Jews, marked with a Star of David, queue on their way into Auschwitz in 1944

Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2518619/Winter-camps-Holocaust-survivor-died-Auschwitz-worked-concentration-camps-aged-just-13-recalls-bitterest-months-Nazi-persecution.html#ixzz3Kamc8b5V
Follow us: @MailOnline on Twitter | DailyMail on Facebook

When I thought of this, I thought maybe choosing the left side of my back really was a mistake.  But I found a shimmer of light in this decision.  If the left side really is "cursed," biblically speaking, then that means there is hope even in the curse.  Furthermore, in speaking figuratively of the Nazi camps, there is hope even when things are looking so bad for you.  Even when you think you can't go on.  Even if you've been sentenced to emotional condemnation.  HOPE is there.  Hope will never leave.  In my case, it is tattooed on my back, so it really isn't going anywhere.  But in all of our cases, if you are breathing and reading these words, it is tattooed on your hearts.  Each human was born with hope.  Even when we can't see it or feel it, it is there.  Never lose heart.

I hope my tattooed enlightenment could inspire you like it did me.

Where's Humanity At?

I sit here.  Perplexed.  Amazed.  By the injustices that surround me.  Is there a reason to live?  A reason to strive?  So many things make me think "no."  But that stems from the pain that I feel in a very personal sense.  But again I think.  I think again of the pain that's felt by so many others that is so much deeper than the pain I feel.  I think I know pain, but I don't know it the way others do.  The pain of losing a child.  (I've never had a child).  The pain of going without.  (I've never been without).  The pain and sacrifice of fighting for my nation (I've never done this.)   The pain of losing a loved one.  (This is something I have not felt).  So again I think...I have felt a lot of pain, but it's mostly physical.  This is true.  But I know I have a greater reason to live because I have not even felt the greatest pain that there is to feel.  Sure, I've felt my share of physical pains and sufferings, of which I will not share in this blog.  But honestly, in comparison to what others have felt and experienced, I have nothing to share as far as pain goes.  I have not much to share except the pain that I have felt through the experience of others. Through reading the news.  Through talking to others from other countries.  Through talking to others who have lost sons and daughters, husbands and wives.  What do I have to bring to the table?

 I've been on mission trips.  I've seen how people live in third world countries.  People eating from trash cans.  People living without clean water.  People living without being able to feed themselves and their children.  But then I leave.  It's a temporary experience.  I go back to my cozy home.  It's 20 degrees F outside and I'm in a cozy home of 70 F degrees.   I have a fireplace, a couch, a wardrobe, a toothbrush, and the resources to buy so much more than I need.  Do I really know what pain is?  I'm sorry if this seems too front, but I've never been raped, my home hasn't been burned down for being a Christian, nobody has told me that I can't go out into public with jeans on.  I'm basically free to do as I wish.  These are not freedoms others possess.  What do I have to complain about?  But yet I find reasons to complain. I have no reason.  I have been given so many freedoms and yet I do nothing with them.  What is wrong with me?  How could I not do something with my freedoms?  I have the gift of literacy and education and political freedom, and yet I sit on it like a frog on a stool.  WHY?  Because it's so damn comfortable.  I don't want to move.  Why do something if it doesn't benefit me?  It's selfishness.  I could spend my life like this.  Like so many others.  But honestly, I've done the math.  If I live 90 years (which is generous), I will live 32, 850 days.  Every day that passes, I waste on my own pleasures and desires.  What do I do with my free time? I spend it on useless entertainment.  What if I spent this extra time on helping others?  How could I change the world?  I've determined in my mind that this is something I must do.  I have to.  What other purpose on the world do I have except to serve others?